Badum by Celine Burciaga
Fear runs deep as breath cuts short
badum badum baUM BADUM
Wheezing, tears, the spinning of the world suddenly nauseating
Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?
It's not real, it can't be. But then what is real?
I'm floating away away away
No anchor in sight, the reflection in the mirror isn't my own
She whispers “What's wrong with you?”
BADUM BADUM BADUM
The sink is on and I'm trying to drown out the tears
Still the monsters swim out, silent sobs breaking water
No hand reaches to pull me out, I stay trapped in the sea of panic
No one, nothing; just flailing
I'm hugging myself, praying someone will save me
Yet I don't cry out, I don't yell for help
BADUM BADUM BADUM
The tears stop; my breathing becomes stable
I wash my face and this time the monsters go down, preparing for their return
The girl in the mirror stares back with sad brown eyes
Pushing through muddy marsh
The threat of another attack
BADUM BADUM BADUM
The screams echo within my head
Look at me! Notice me!
Yet I only wring my hands together, avoiding eye contact
A pit forms in my throat
My monsters try to claw their way out of my eyes
“Just talk! Why are you so annoying? You're never gonna make friends, you're gonna be alone forever.”
I can hear it getting louder
badum badum BADUM
Then he looks at me
He smiles at me
He talks to me
I'm not alone, and while my monsters still try to whisper in my ears, his voice is the only one I hear
I'd almost forgotten
The feeling of their claws
The agonizing pain every breath took
While I still got splashed by cold panic, my days of thrashing against the tides had been scarce
My monsters scratch and beat and kill
Hungry after so long
BADUM BADUM BADUM
Not again, not again!
I beg to the sky's and the gods, then I realize only my ears are listening
I can't save myself, I drift so far the stars swim around beaconing me to stay
My world vanishes away and all I know is PANIC
A frightening calm fills my senses
Just as I'm gonna give in to the nothingness I hear it
BABOOM BABOOM BABOOM
It's unlike my own, it's sturdy and calm
Reassurance and sweet whispers pull me away from the angry waters
And while I still feel them shaking the boat
I know it won't tip over
Safe from the waves
I let the sound be the only thing I know
Baboom Baboom Baboom